WHO AM I?
Probably the most important question that can be asked. I heard recently that when you realize that you do not know the answer you begin to live or be conscious. In other words, you realize your life has been on automatic much of the time. Is it possible that being agitated all the time is one indication that this is the case? Is being agitated anger at a low simmer? Yeah, I think so.
One day I realized that the way I talked about my relationships with other people said more about me than them. This was in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, but my habitual programming from family, school and the media helped me to continue with my addiction to criticism of myself and others. I avoided looking at myself by nodding my head in disbelief at the behavior of other people. On a personal and much larger scale this gave me a sense of comfort, familiarity and satisfaction. In retrospect,this sounds really depressing, but I was addicted to the feeling of disappointment in others. This is how I grew up . It was one thing I could count on, that helped me feel connected to the people who I had bonded with in my life at that time, or at least that is what I told myself. I am still dealing with these feelings. The difference now is that being critical no longer feels comforting, it feels just plain wrong.
On many levels I know this is not how my life has to be, and I have genuinely begun to realize that this kind of thinking is a choice. Becoming aware of my thoughts and not going to the past and future is the only way to be at peace. Dare I say, be happy. This is a minute by minute decision I make. It seems to become easier with the simple practice of noticing how I feel or being present. Criticizing others has a negative side effect. I can feel it.
After years of being made to feel bad about feeling angry I wonder why no one ever informed me that anger was trying to tell me something. My anger was not an evil emotional indulgence! Anger is a loud messenger and a really important emotion. It is screaming at us to make changes in our lives. Anger is not the end. It can be the beginning of learning to find some kind of peace. Anger is now my inner compass. Not an emotion to fester, revel in, or feel bad about.
Anger makes many people uncomfortable. It makes me uncomfortable when people are unaware that they are angry and just keep fuming about something. Often denying they are angry. It is sad that so much money and effort is placed on either drugging people to suppress their anger or exploiting others anger so the general population does not have to look at their own. Reality TV is based on this premise. Guilty pleasure 101.
EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique is a great way help ourselves. Rue Hass [click here] is a therapist and EFT practitioner that has wonderful online/teleclasses that I can highly recommend. These classes creatively explore a wide range of emotions. Anger is one of them.