WHAT OR WHOM IS IN YOUR WAY?
It can be very easy to use family, friends, job, lifesyle, etcetera as an excuse to avoid the initially difficult changes that are necessary to heal. These changes are ongoing, and impact us in every way. Our belief systems and those around us are greatly challenged. My observation over the years with myself, clients, friends and family is that some people make changes in their lives unconsciously knowing that their relationships may not survive their decisions. On the other side, there are the select few that are able to be in a completely different “lane” than the people around them. This may be a possible scenario for some to live and thrive in. As observers we think we know why people make the decisions they do. This is a pretty arrogant assumption. I have been more than guilty of this. What I am writing here are repeated observations of myself, and of others. Experiences that people have shared with me over a period of 30 years or more in clinical and non-clinical situations.
Author Carolyn Myss is a great storyteller in her books and lectures. I listened many times to at least one of her books on recording. I strongly remember her sharing one observation about change. A encapsulated version: When a person is presented with a possible lifestyle change both eyes either both go left, right or up. Then they run that change past their “tribe”. They then decide whether they can or can not make that change accordingly. This is the same tribe that supports all our addictions and deep seated patterns. Going against our tribe will cause a whole lot of disruption. The backside of these decisions is often break – up, divorce, loss of friends, relocation of residence. Change of job and career. This may sound scary, but is often extremely emancipating. It is all how we view it.
LEAVING PEOPLE BEHIND
Do the people making the changes always do the leaving? No. Sometimes people leave those who are knocking over the applecart. They do this by not being willing to open their minds to new ways of living. Remarkably, there are those that are not interested in participating, but are willing to be a silent support. That kind of relationship may be able to withstand just about anything. People have such different needs. Not everyone needs to be surrounded by like minded people. What has saddened me the most personally is the making wrong tendency others have of something that threatens their addictions. By the way, this works on both sides. Understanding fear of change, and of loosing control, can make it easier to accept others choices and move on. Moving on does not necessarily mean leaving, but letting go of expectations that they will join you in the pursuit of healing.
The bottom line, if there is one, is to not see others as being in our way. It is really our fear about changte that creates stumbling blocks. Those fears are legitimate, and facing them is part of the healing process. At least that has been my experience. What is yours?
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